i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
