No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
