she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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