Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
