My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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