it was like his penis was on wheels.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
