is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
