i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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