if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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