I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
