I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
