I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
