The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
