That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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