Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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