dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
