do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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