At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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