I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."