Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer

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(925): View more from California

anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

(703): View more from Virginia

mine is 'the'.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(204): View more from Manitoba

When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

(204): View more from Manitoba

I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him

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