mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.