I looked at my own cervix.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
