They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him