I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.