Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You were right. It hurts to walk today.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.

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(631): View more from New York

Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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(831): View more from California

I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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(876): View more from Jamaica

After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

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(813): View more from Florida

The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."

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