I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
