Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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