woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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