She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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