all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
