love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
