she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
