I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
