His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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