My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
