Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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