I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
