Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
