not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
