He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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