im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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