If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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