So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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