I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
