this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
