i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
operation harelip BJ is a go
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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