I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize