Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
