I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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