i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
