You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
