How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
