I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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