Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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