The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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