So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
