i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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