it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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