I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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