So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
