So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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