you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
