I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I die, sorry about rent.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
