The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
