i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
