Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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