And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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