I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
