google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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