i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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