I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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