He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
