he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
