My first STD was from a foam party
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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