you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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