I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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