Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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