three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
