She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Holy shit dude........stairs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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