Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
