You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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