am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
