I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
