How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
