i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
