Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
