I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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