This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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