I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
